In  a recent post I wrote about my apathy for Twitter.

My Twitterapathy has become public because of a debate I’ve entered into regarding its use. I don’t doubt that use but my counter point was that unless one can communicate already, then using a communication tool does not instantly make one a good communicator.

So here is my attempt to identify from my own knowledge, experience and most of all learning what does make for good communication.

I guess good communication needs a definition first and foremost and mine would be: a method by which an essential two way flow of information takes place in a timely manner. I think the key words there are essential and timely. There are of course many more aspects to communication than this and some are …

• using language the recipient understands – this especially applies to us techies
• keeping discussions focused, relevant, local and timely
• using open-ended questions to draw out ideas and information
• ensuring your communications reach every essential person in a team – don’t just presume the leader will pass it along
• use social events to break down barriers and build up trust
• use tools and methodologies to help you
• read up on the subject of communication

Some of the benefits of these actions can be …

• improved team satisfaction and commitment to the cause - especially if the recipient understands what you are trying to achieve and the way their contribution affects the outcome
• increased morale along with less turnover of volunteers
• better performance
• when accurate info or guidance is provided it will help reduce errors
• improved leadership due to receipt of timely and informed feedback
• improved leader/team (volunteer) relations
• improved exchange of ideas

I could likely add other benefits and aspects of communication but the point of this post is to talk about good communication.  Whilst it is true to say that we are all born (unless like my son you have a disability of one form or another) with built in communication tools this doesn’t automatically equate to us being good users of said tools.

Ask yourself this – how often do you speak at people rather than speak with them?

Do you take time to listen and respond to the conversation or do you hear key words and start to formulate a response based on those? Do we stop listening when we believe we know where a conversation is going?

Secondly, when talking about something do we have an end destination in mind or are we just conversing?

Also consider this – what makes a good sales person? Is it someone whom takes the time to speak with you and listen to the response and interact with the info you feedback or is it someone whom talks 19 to the dozen without seemingly taking a breath?

So how can we learn to communicate better, or can we even do so?

Consider this scenario. There are four people that witness a traffic accident that happened at a four way junction. Each individual is on a different corner of the junction. They all saw the same accident but due to them all having different backgrounds, upbringings, etc they all have different ways of expressing what happened. Due to this, they all end up describing what could appear to an outsider as four entirely separate accidents.

Does this mean they are bad communicators or does it mean they are simply communicating what they believe happened? Essentially, they have honestly reported their reality and this is the crux of this scenario. But in their telling of the reality they leave information out – we all do.

This is where a skilled listener (or accident investigator) will listen and ask relevant questions to ensure they have drawn every detail out of you allowing them to get the best and most detailed picture of the accident.

So how do we use this to become better communicators? Simply reverse the role of the investigator.

• Ask questions – get the listener to repeat salient facts
• Observe – look at their body language
• Listen – do they sound tired, bored, dis-connected
• Take your time – ensure you’ve passed on what you believe you have, don’t presume you have.
• Adjust / Adapt – fit your words, tone, movements to suit the listener

So what about our churches? Is yours good at communication? Do they get information out in a timely manner? Are issues dealt with appropriately? Do they listen as much, if not more, than they talk? Or are they, as I suspect, much like mine and believe that what is said from the front is heard the way it was intended?

Let me conclude with this three step approach to good communications …

1. Do you know what you are trying to communicate?
2. Are you confident in what you are trying to convey?
3. Are you the right person to convey the message?

Thanks for listening.